


to remind me

by flightofwonder



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas fic, Gen, Grieving, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27869985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightofwonder/pseuds/flightofwonder
Summary: “Cananyof you tolerate holiday cheer?” Nile’s voice is low and sarcastic, but Andy reads the underlying question.“We can be there in two hours,” Andy answers.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	to remind me

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Nile Week 2020 for the prompt "alone time", but I wanted to wait to post until it was more seasonably appropriate.

It’s Nicky’s idea, originally.

Firsts of anything after dying are always difficult, he explains. The rites of passage that mark the years mean something different to them now: the birthdays and the holidays, even the most mundane of annual occasions. So, he says, if it's an important holiday for her, it makes perfect sense for Nile to be feeling more morose as Christmas approaches.

He doesn’t pitch the idea of Nile spending the holiday _alone_ , exactly, just for her to immerse herself in someplace different for the long stretch of the holidays, somewhere the reminders aren’t as persistent.

Nile picks Luxemburg on a whim, really. She doesn’t remember saying goodbye to the team or finding a place to stay. She arrives at the B&B with little fanfare. She makes her way to the first ancient and undecorated building she sees.

At first, it seems to work. She spends hours at the MUDAM and the Musée Draï Eechelen, getting lost in her comfortable routine of absorbing history and art, a constant she can rely on. She goes to a service at their Notre Dame and thinks about how it’s not even half as old as anyone on her current team. She walks up the Bock and sketches the ancient stone walls that blend with the modern homes on the hillside. It’s the first time she’s tried sketching in years, and she wonders what Joe would say about her penciling technique.

All things considered, her emotions are successfully kept at bay for a while. But she breaks in the Christmas market, because – well, of course she does. It’s Christmas Eve Eve, an important holiday in the Freeman household. She catches sight of a little girl holding her mom’s hand as she points at a holiday decoration in a stall, and she remembers how her mama always waits until Christmas Eve Eve to decorate the tree. She has to make sure the whole family will be there, home from school or deployment because she doesn’t want to get started celebrating without her babies.

But her baby isn’t home this year. Nile won’t sort through and tease her little brother for their tacky hand-made decorations ever again. Her mama won’t shout orders at them on how to string the lights just so, and Nile won’t threaten to climb her brother’s back if that’s what it takes to get the angel on top. All of that is gone for her, now. Forever.

She doesn’t realize she’s crying in the middle of the market until she fishes out her burner phone from her jacket pocket and calls the number on speed dial. Nicky picks up immediately

“I know,” Nile starts, her freezing nose already running miserably, “I know I should get through this alone, but Nicky, I don’t think I can—”

“Oh – no _no_ , Nile, this isn’t…” He mutters something to himself in Italian on the other end of the line before speaking clearly in English. “This was never supposed to be a _challenge_ , something you _have_ to do.”

Nicky sounds properly worried now, and Nile’s pretty sure she can hear Joe trying to say something loudly in the background, which in and of itself makes her crack a small smile. There’s some fumbling on Nicky’s end, then Andy’s familiar voice comes through the line.

“What do you want, kid?”

What could have been a dismissive question is instead asked with patience, her voice quiet and calm.

Nile sniffs and wraps an arm around her side. She knows what she wants, and she knows she can’t have it. But that doesn’t mean she has to be alone.

“Can _any_ of you tolerate holiday cheer?” Nile’s voice is low and sarcastic, but Andy reads the underlying question.

“We can be there in two hours,” Andy answers.

Nile laughs then, her throat dry enough for it to hurt. The three of them were supposed to spend this time somewhere in Mexico, but evidently, at least one of them chose to stay close. She can’t find it in her to be upset.

Andy almost manages to sneak up on her in Kneudler Square and Nile almost kicks her in the gut on instinct, but thankfully, a scene is avoided when Andy slaps her knee down with graceful ease.

“Guess we have to work on that,” Andy deadpans, but Nile is too busy hugging her to snark back. She wants to start crying again when Andy cups the back of her neck like she did back at Merrick’s, remembering the warmth and pride in her face, but she holds it together long enough to give Joe and Nicky their long, warm hugs too.

Nile’s first Christmas Eve Eve post-death looks somewhat like the ones that came before. There are bright lights and the sound of silver bells and the smell of pine trees. But there are new delights, too: Joe taking her hand to pull her through the craft stalls to get her opinion on a remarkably last-minute gift; sharing a giant plate of something called tartiflette with Andy as she reminisces on just about every pagan holiday she’s seen; Nicky, a tad guiltily, buying her a mulled wine and interlocking arms with her as they wander through the decorative lights and point out their favorites.

She knows when she wakes up tomorrow, when she wakes up in two days to a Christmas without her mom and brother, she will miss her family. She knows that will never really go away. But she hopes the pain of missing her old life will someday be tempered with the memories she’s making in her new one. That she can look back fondly on both of her families.

Joe grabs her gloved hand, undoubtedly about to drag her off to another stall with ridiculous looking mugs in it, and Nile manages to smile – if just for now.


End file.
